Thursday, July 21, 2011

my late-night motherhood moment

i feel so blessed with all the time that i get to spend with my kids now. with all the chaos and fun at home that i now experience 24/7, i wouldn't trade these and them for anything else in the world. 


i will never get tired of them. though there are countless times that i feel like i am at the end of my sanity,  i know i will never tire of my Bagets or this job that has all of its ultimate rewards than any other high-paying job in the universe!


even if raising a "slightly difficult" (but sweet) teenage son is starting to really dawn on me. 





and even if i run out of my wits to keep up with my "smart-a**", darling daughter. 






i know, i will always be, first and foremost, and until my last breath- A Mother









Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Birds and the Bees and STDs

I am a solo parent with a 13 y/o son.

With all the talk going on about the RH Bill, I find myself dealing with my own dilemma.

How exactly should I talk to my teenager about Sex? And everything else that comes with it- Safe Sex, STDs, and so much more.

I didn’t learn about Sex from my Mom. She’s my dearest friend but I never asked her about it. I grew up learning about it and my sexuality by myself, through friends, and experience. It was a tough journey, believe me.

I remember when Carlo, my son, was around 8. He asked me how babies are made. This was in the light that we have a new baby aboard, my daughter Alyssa. I was caught off guard and I told him the first thing that came in this idiotic mind of mine: Ask Teacher Con (his Science teacher) about it.

Stupid, right? I know. And here I pride myself for being a new-age Mother- liberated and open. Yeah, right. I am as stupid as stupid can be.

Carlo came back with an answer when he was in 6th grade. He eagerly told me, “Ma, alam ko na panu ginagawa ang baby!”

I just looked at him, stunned. He went on and explained.  He learned about the Reproductive System. And yes, it was from his Science class.

Relieved as I was about this new found information, I know I had to do my responsibility of educating my son. He now knows the “scientific” part of Sex but how about the other important details.

As of this writing (that's almost 2 years!), I still haven’t sat down with my son and do a really long, serious talk about it.

We’ve watched the RH Bill debate together on TV.  He was kind of confused of my position- I am Pro RH Bill. I gave him bits of my opinion about the issue. That people have their own minds to decide which is best for them when it comes to family planning. I told him that responsible sex is the key to all this talk about sex, population, responsibility, and what have you.

And he just smiled a timid, confused smile.

And that got me all worried again. I have to talk to him about it at the earliest time that I gather all my courage.

I am no expert about this. Most especially when it is my kid that I am going to give the information to. I have to be very careful with every word I say. I have to be both direct and subtle about it.

I don’t want him getting even more confused with whatever I say about Sex. And I definitely don’t want him going around and putting into practice what he would learn from me.  (Not yet!)

The best plan I came up with- go out on a date with my dearest son and finally, talk.

I believe in my son. That he is intelligent enough to absorb all the information. I just have to make him feel that if there’s one person he can openly talk about this kind of stuff and everything else; well, that would be me.

Talking about Sex is just the 1st step. Proper and loving guidance should come next.

It sure can be a real challenge but I know I can get by.  We, my son and I, can definitely get by. 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

pinch me!

and so the song by Barenaked Ladies goes...

the song came about at that time when the band was doing really good.. they know that what they've got is already the good thing, yet, they still felt it wasn't good enough for them..

what happened with counting your blessings? is it so arrogant and selfish of the band to think that they deserve even better?

i honestly don't think so.. it's just that when we know we are on to something good and we reap for what we sow, we can't help but aim and want for more.. i don't see anything wrong with wanting more... so long as you are thankful for what you have now.. and then you work even harder for what you think could give even better results..

i guess, nobody pinched the BNL at all... they kept going and made good music.. that suited their own taste and standards...

i don't want anybody pinching me right now... even if i feel like there could be more... what's good for me right now is still better than not having anything at all..

Monday, March 7, 2011

it's a beautiful morning!

i always find my self still struggling to come up with an entry for my site.
i seem to forget that this is supposed to be bits and pieces of whatever in my everyday life.. 
and today, as i opened my PC and played my Scrubs soundtrack, the 1st song in the playlist just hit me again.. and i can't help but smile...
It's a Beautiful Morning!!!
i find myself waking up in the last few months always thinking of the very same phrase as i start my day..
it serves as my mantra, i think...
it helps me start the day on the right foot..
and even if something "un-beautiful" happens along, i just click on Rewind and play the song again and again...
Good Morning Everybody!!!

Monday, February 21, 2011

I am Happy!!!

i've always thought of myself as a happy person.. but it never felt so real than today..
i woke up from a good night's sleep with my kids beside me.. something i've missed in the last few years that i was still working away from home...
i watched my teenage son get ready for school.. he smells and looks really good.. (can't help but think of why he makes an effort with his looks! )
i got a loving kiss and a post-Valentine note from my little daughter.. and that  sweet "I Love You!" before she headed off to school...
i sit in front of my computer and i get loving and inspiring messages from friends...
i got my daily dose of God's word.. a daily routine that is slowly getting into my system and i'm loving it...
i take a break from work to write this short entry because i can't contain the happiness i feel... 

i think about all the simple pleasures of life.. and i have most of them..
i cherish the positivity that people share with me.. it is through them that i see the bigger picture.. and a brighter one it sure is..

i am happy...
there's nothing more one can ask for...

:))

Friday, January 28, 2011

My Post-Birthday Date with An Angel

I don't remember ever having a post-birthday date(s) and receiving a really nice post-birthday present.

Today, I went out on one and got the most overwhelming post-birthday presents that I could ever imagine.

An old High School friend and I have been planning for a coffee date for over a year. But our schedules never met. We occasionally exchange messages over Facebook (the wonders of social networks!). And as always we leave notes about that coffee date.

Finally, a date was set by another friend to meet with some other friends and have dinner. It was meant to be a small get-together to catch up and have fun. But then, everybody canceled out on the last minute. But me and my friend are still good to go. So, finally our coffee date comes to reality.

Little did I know that something truly amazing is in store for me on this date.

More than the exchange of pleasantries, we launched into a conversation that has made me realize that for the longest time, I have been taking for granted a very important thing in my life. I have been living the last few years of my life full of fears, insecurities, loneliness, and uncertainties. Amidst all the good things and blessings surrounding me, I still felt lost. I seem to be longing for and lacking something.

My friend, on the other hand, seem to be really living a good life. I can see it in her. More than the good fortune, the stable career, and happy family, there was something really good (and steady) in and about her. I can't help but tell my friend that she looks even more beautiful than I remember her. She sweetly smiled and began sharing her secret why she is overflowing with radiance inside and out. 

It all comes from a Greater Power. And the only True Strength that Man will ever need. This radiance is all because of surrendering everything and putting your trust to the Lord.  

She told me about how God worked in a very mysterious way by giving her the gift of life in exchange for facing the greatest fear that she has always dreaded of.

She told me about how each time she boards and alights their plane that she prays to God and entrusts everything to Him.

She told me about that crucial time during a natural calamity and she was away from her family that she resigned to God and left it in His Will that her family will be safe.

She told me about the times when she goes to her room and talk to God whenever she feels troubled and helpless.

She told me about those walks she took just to admire the beautiful skies- the joy of witnessing God's power through His wonderful creation.

She told me that God is only waiting for man to open his heart's door. He has always been there waiting. And He will never get tired of it. 

She made me realize that God never left me during those times that I felt I was alone. God was carrying me through every trial that I went through. That is why it has been an easy journey for me. Even if I felt that it was the end of me.

I've always thought that God gave me all the pitfalls and burdens in my life to make my life miserable. I doubted and questioned Him. But these are His ways of showing me that He loves me. That I am a truly strong person and I just need to trust Him through it all. 

As my friend talked and shared with me all these, I suddenly found myself in tears. I was crying real hard but inside I felt really light. What I really felt was God's loving presence. I can feel Him knocking at my door again. I can feel Him reaching for my hand and waiting.

And finally, after all these years of living by my own strength or depending on other people to be strong for me, I found myself finally opening my door and then reaching out as well 

With this open door and His guiding hand, all the wonders of this Life and even Beyond are now available for me. I will travel the remaining days of my life with full trust in the Lord. I know that He will not just walk with me but He will carry me every step of the way.

I was beyond gratitude for seeing my old High School friend again. But she lovingly told me, that it was not her that I should thank- but God. She was just a Messenger. God sent me another Angel disguised as my old High School friend.

God gave me an unexpected date and sent me the most wonderful post-birthday presents.

A rekindled friendship. A new beginning. A new hope. And a new heart.

I don't think I will have another post-birthday dinner/coffee date like this ever again. But what I am sure of is that this was truly no ordinary date. This is definitely one-of-a-kind and heaven sent.

Friday, January 21, 2011

34th...

and it will be another happy roller coaster ride for me...
i am blessed..
i am happy..

as another year sets in, i know a lot of new things are ahead...
ups and downs..
crossroads and roadblocks...
i will meet them all and travel the path head on...
with love and faith in my heart...

cheers to a new day....
happy birthday to me!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

finally...

i've been putting off starting this blog for years.. i am hesitant..
sure, i write..
but all the things running through my brains and everything i felt about any high or low points in my life are all jotted down on journals i have kept for years.. i am old school.. :)
but finally.. 
i gave an ultimatum that i will share my first blog on my 34th bday..
i have a thing with starting on new things on my birthday(s).. i am a day ahead of that ultimatum..
it just felt right to do it today..
i don't go for flashy, poetic words...
i want to be as simple as possible with what i want to share..
the simple things in life are what really matter the most...
the bits and pieces of every day life is what makes the journey complete...
these are the things i want to write about...
just simple things..
it may be a new word i came across while reading..
a crazy stunt that my kids' just pulled off...
a sudden outburst of negative (and positive) emotion...
that really nice line from a song i like or don't like...
that catchy phrase from a DVD movie i watched for the day...
or a trivial decision i just made to make the day a little different..
that's how simple i want this blog to be...
and even if i am still hesitant...
i'll finally give it a shot... :)