Finally Learning How, When, and Why to Say No!

it was explained in one of my Psychology classes in college that there is a certain stage in a person's life when there is only one word in both the parent and the child's vocabulary: NO!

mom to child: No, don't touch that! It's dirty!


mom to child: Eat your peas; they're good for your health.
child to mom: No!


child to mom: May I go out and play in the rain?
mom to child: No!


mom to child: Clean your mess!
child to mom: No!


child to mom: Mom...
mom to child: NO!

i further understood this lesson with my own list of recollections of when i was a child.
and even more proofs now that i am playing the mom part.

and then i find myself contemplating on instances of me as an adult (apart from being a mom, that is) that i seem to have ditched the NO vocabulary.
how many instances when a NO was needed but i instead said Yes and Yes again.
and that list is infinite and endless. (ha!)

my problem with saying No happens for a number of reasons:
how do i say No to people i care about? without having to hurt, disappoint, or embarrass them? and make me feel guilty for saying No? or even make me regret my saying it?
when do i really say No? when i'm already pushed to say Yes? or when i already have that gut feel to say No?
and why should i really say No when there appears to be a lot more in store in saying Yes? why should i say No when i've always believed in "taking chances", "seizing the day", "settling differences", and "avoiding conflicts"?

it wasn't until a few days ago and especially today that i realized:
there is something really good and so much more with saying No.
and those were the first few No's that i actually didn't have any reservations saying.

how did i do it? 
plain and simple. i was frank enough (tactless, if you may) in saying it. i have hurt, disappointed and yes, embarrassed people, but i said it. No, period. and No more lengthy explanations offered.

when did i do it? 
when i immediately felt that saying Yes will not really be a good thing, both for me and for everybody that might be involved in one way or another. (i also had this strange buzz in my head, saying, "Not a good deal, girl!)

why did i do it? 
i had to prove myself that i can say No for all the right reasons.
i had to put my feet down and stand up for myself.
i had to shield myself from a big Yes! that could turn into a terrible Oh No!
i had to trust myself with a decision that could merit more Yes even if it comes from a No.
AND...

i simply HAD TO SAY NO.