for my first born...

on August 18, 1997, at my very young age of 20, God gave me one of the most precious and wonderful blessings that i could ask for- My Son, Carlo Luis.
here are a few things that i remember from that very special day and the last 15 years....

i remember the intense labor pains which lasted almost 10 hours.
i remember almost jumping on the delivery table just to get it over with.
i remember crying for my Mama all the time that i was in pain and getting reprimanded by the nurse who told me that this is now just all about me and the baby i am about to deliver.
i remember my doctor telling me i am a good patient because i followed his directions without too much hysterics.
i remember looking over as the nurse took away my little boy to clean him up, worrying that he might roll out of the table.
i remember holding my son for the very first time and thinking: "Ang galing! May lumabas na maliit na tao sa akin!"
i remember sharing the joy of this momentous event with the other two most important people in my life- my husband Cris (who held my hand up to the last minute that my doctor had to shoo him away because he (Cris), with a pale face, can already see the baby's head almost coming out) and my Mama (who came in late but just in perfect time to see me being wheeled out of the delivery room and her first words were:: "Ano? Isa pa?", to which i smiled and answered, "Oo naman!".)
i remember the first 2 months of post-partum depression, with my loving Cris taking time to read about it to understand what i was going through.
i remember recording every important baby moments in my Baby Book- my son's first tooth, first words, first trip out of town, first to 7th birthday, first medal in school.
i remember when i woke up on the first day to the reality that i am about to raise my son on my own, he just turned 5.
i remember the fear of walking the path of parenthood alone, and still fearing it now.
i remember the bittersweet joy of attending every school activity, when it means we can't join all the activities which need to have Fathers but enjoying it all just the same.
i remember the uncertainty of witnessing my son's inititiation to manhood and wished his Papa was there with him, but i luckily pulled through.
i remember the very first time when my son evaded my kiss in front of his friends, but i still get to hug and kiss him in the middle of night when he is sound asleep.
i remember wishing time would move a little slower because i know my son is fast becoming a young man and soon will be out of my reach...

To My Son, My Kuya, My Hero...
i will not run out of things that i want to forever remember about our journey of being Mother and Child in the last 15 years.
i know we still have a lot of memories, trials, and triumphs to face and go through in the next 15, 30, 60 years.
if there are a few things that i want YOU to always, always remember...
i am doing everything i can to be the best Mother that i can be. (please forgive my temper and my shortcomings.)
i will always be here for you until you choose to live your own life. (please don't let it be sooner than it should be.)
i will always support you whatever your dreams may be. (whether you want to be a rocker or a chef!)
i will always, always love you until my last breath....

Happy, happy 15th birthday, Anak!!! Be a fine, young man like your Papa!!!