Finally Learning How, When, and Why to Say No!

it was explained in one of my Psychology classes in college that there is a certain stage in a person's life when there is only one word in both the parent and the child's vocabulary: NO!

mom to child: No, don't touch that! It's dirty!


mom to child: Eat your peas; they're good for your health.
child to mom: No!


child to mom: May I go out and play in the rain?
mom to child: No!


mom to child: Clean your mess!
child to mom: No!


child to mom: Mom...
mom to child: NO!

i further understood this lesson with my own list of recollections of when i was a child.
and even more proofs now that i am playing the mom part.

and then i find myself contemplating on instances of me as an adult (apart from being a mom, that is) that i seem to have ditched the NO vocabulary.
how many instances when a NO was needed but i instead said Yes and Yes again.
and that list is infinite and endless. (ha!)

my problem with saying No happens for a number of reasons:
how do i say No to people i care about? without having to hurt, disappoint, or embarrass them? and make me feel guilty for saying No? or even make me regret my saying it?
when do i really say No? when i'm already pushed to say Yes? or when i already have that gut feel to say No?
and why should i really say No when there appears to be a lot more in store in saying Yes? why should i say No when i've always believed in "taking chances", "seizing the day", "settling differences", and "avoiding conflicts"?

it wasn't until a few days ago and especially today that i realized:
there is something really good and so much more with saying No.
and those were the first few No's that i actually didn't have any reservations saying.

how did i do it? 
plain and simple. i was frank enough (tactless, if you may) in saying it. i have hurt, disappointed and yes, embarrassed people, but i said it. No, period. and No more lengthy explanations offered.

when did i do it? 
when i immediately felt that saying Yes will not really be a good thing, both for me and for everybody that might be involved in one way or another. (i also had this strange buzz in my head, saying, "Not a good deal, girl!)

why did i do it? 
i had to prove myself that i can say No for all the right reasons.
i had to put my feet down and stand up for myself.
i had to shield myself from a big Yes! that could turn into a terrible Oh No!
i had to trust myself with a decision that could merit more Yes even if it comes from a No.
AND...

i simply HAD TO SAY NO.

at gumimik na naman ako nung weekend..

nitong nagdaang weekend, i went out with 2 totally different sets of friends on 2 different kinds of hanging out. fully booked ang weekend na ito ah.

on Saturday, i went out on a last-minute (biglaan lang talaga ito) drinking night out with some elementary friends.
it was surely fun with all the reminsicing and kulitan.
ang isang bucket, naging 2, tpos 3. tpos sa pang-apat, ayawan na ako. (ready na ako mag-ice cream or shawarma kaya?)
and i went home a little tipsy (normal na yan) but still very much in one good piece. (lagi naman ako in one piece nakakauwi, by the way.)

i woke up on Sunday after a few hours of sleep (3 oras lang!) with a terrible headache kaso, may lakad ako.
this Sunday was about visiting very good friends whom i haven't seen in a few years, welcoming a cute, little baby (nadagdagan inaanak ko ulit, thank you!), and really catching up on every missed event (good and not-so-good ones) in everybody's lives.
kwentuhan, pichuran, kainan. kwentuhan ng kwentuhan para makaabot sa 2 years na di nagkita-kita. (pati ung  latest tsismis sa The Buzz sinama na namin dahil nanunuod na rin lang kami.)
lipat ng venue (without the baby this time) and kwentuhan, pichuran, kainan even more.
hanggang kami na lang ang tao sa restaurant na naman.
pero ang sadyang kakaiba dito, pagkain at tubig lang ang laman ng table namin.
oo kakaiba na ito para sa akin.:)
for someone used to drinking until i drop or hanggang kami na lang ang tao sa loob ng bar at uwing-uwi na ang mga crew, an alcohol-free night out is a VERY RARE but VERY REFRESHING treat.

ipinagbubunyi talaga!

umuwi man akong late pa din at super antok pero yun lang yun- antok.
walang super hilo.
walang worry na may maiwan na gamit sa jeep at hahagilapin ko kinabukasan sa terminal.
AT  syempre: walang matinding hang-over the next day.
panalo!

posible naman pala.
pwedeng-pwede naman talaga.
akala mo lang hindi pero pwede! (pwede! pwede!)

hanggang sa susunod na balanseng weekend gimik ulit.

peace and love!

redirecting...

it's been more than 6 months since my last post. :(
i have not been true to myself nor with my objectives in putting up this blog.
i vowed to write and share about bits and pieces of my life.
yet the comfort of a pen and a diary before i go to bed at night got the better of me.


well, i have to redirect myself and this blog.
i know i have to because i want to.


and so here it goes...


peace and love!

my late-night motherhood moment

i feel so blessed with all the time that i get to spend with my kids now. with all the chaos and fun at home that i now experience 24/7, i wouldn't trade these and them for anything else in the world. 


i will never get tired of them. though there are countless times that i feel like i am at the end of my sanity,  i know i will never tire of my Bagets or this job that has all of its ultimate rewards than any other high-paying job in the universe!


even if raising a "slightly difficult" (but sweet) teenage son is starting to really dawn on me. 

and even if i run out of my wits to keep up with my "smart-a**", darling daughter. 

i know, i will always be, first and foremost, and until my last breath- A Mother. 

The Birds and the Bees and STDs

I am a solo parent with a 13 y/o son.

With all the talk going on about the RH Bill, I find myself dealing with my own dilemma.

How exactly should I talk to my teenager about Sex? And everything else that comes with it- Safe Sex, STDs, and so much more.

I didn’t learn about Sex from my Mom. She’s my dearest friend but I never asked her about it. I grew up learning about it and my sexuality by myself, through friends, and experience. It was a tough journey, believe me.

I remember when Carlo, my son, was around 8. He asked me how babies are made. This was in the light that we have a new baby aboard, my daughter Alyssa. I was caught off guard and I told him the first thing that came in this idiotic mind of mine: Ask Teacher Con (his Science teacher) about it.

Stupid, right? I know. And here I pride myself for being a new-age Mother- liberated and open. Yeah, right. I am as stupid as stupid can be.

Carlo came back with an answer when he was in 6^th grade. He eagerly told me, “Ma, alam ko na panu ginagawa ang baby!”

I just looked at him, stunned. He went on and explained.  He learned about the Reproductive System. And yes, it was from his Science class.

Relieved as I was about this new found information, I know I had to do my responsibility of educating my son. He now knows the “scientific” part of Sex but how about the other important details.

As of this writing (that's almost 2 years!), I still haven’t sat down with my son and do a really long, serious talk about it.

We’ve watched the RH Bill debate together on TV.  He was kind of confused of my position- I am Pro RH Bill. I gave him bits of my opinion about the issue. That people have their own minds to decide which is best for them when it comes to family planning. I told him that responsible sex is the key to all this talk about sex, population, responsibility, and what have you.

And he just smiled a timid, confused smile.

And that got me all worried again. I have to talk to him about it at the earliest time that I gather all my courage.

I am no expert about this. Most especially when it is my kid that I am going to give the information to. I have to be very careful with every word I say. I have to be both direct and subtle about it.

I don’t want him getting even more confused with whatever I say about Sex. And I definitely don’t want him going around and putting into practice what he would learn from me.  (Not yet!)

The best plan I came up with- go out on a date with my dearest son and finally, talk.

I believe in my son. That he is intelligent enough to absorb all the information. I just have to make him feel that if there’s one person he can openly talk about this kind of stuff and everything else; well, that would be me.

Talking about Sex is just the 1^st step. Proper and loving guidance should come next.

It sure can be a real challenge but I know I can get by.  We, my son and I, can definitely get by. 

pinch me!

and so the song by Barenaked Ladies goes...

the song came about at that time when the band was doing really good.. they know that what they've got is already the good thing, yet, they still felt it wasn't good enough for them..

what happened with counting your blessings? is it so arrogant and selfish of the band to think that they deserve even better?

i honestly don't think so.. it's just that when we know we are on to something good and we reap for what we sow, we can't help but aim and want for more.. i don't see anything wrong with wanting more... so long as you are thankful for what you have now.. and then you work even harder for what you think could give even better results..

i guess, nobody pinched the BNL at all... they kept going and made good music.. that suited their own taste and standards...

i don't want anybody pinching me right now... even if i feel like there could be more... what's good for me right now is still better than not having anything at all..

it's a beautiful morning!

i always find my self still struggling to come up with an entry for my site.
i seem to forget that this is supposed to be bits and pieces of whatever in my everyday life.. 
and today, as i opened my PC and played my Scrubs soundtrack, the 1st song in the playlist just hit me again.. and i can't help but smile...
It's a Beautiful Morning!!!
i find myself waking up in the last few months always thinking of the very same phrase as i start my day..
it serves as my mantra, i think...
it helps me start the day on the right foot..
and even if something "un-beautiful" happens along, i just click on Rewind and play the song again and again...
Good Morning Everybody!!!